So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
