I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
