True but thats because hes a fetus.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
