He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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