a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
