Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
