yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
