Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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