oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
