Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
