And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
