yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
