as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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