i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
