Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
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Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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