Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
