hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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