I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
