"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
