last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
