it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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