I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
