just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
