I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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