Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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