I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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