i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
BRING THE BAGELS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
