Texts From Last Night

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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.

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  (218): I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted. http://tfl.nu/x30k
  Replies (12) Good night (3826) Bad night (610)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined

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  (757): now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined http://tfl.nu/1l3f
  Replies (12) Good night (4011) Bad night (1802)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

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  (614): i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone http://tfl.nu/w81g
  Replies (25) Good night (6383) Bad night (718)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

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  (701): Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/s47d
  Replies (13) Good night (6925) Bad night (991)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.

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  (505): I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat. http://tfl.nu/2tx3
  Replies (14) Good night (3927) Bad night (1286)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"

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  (334): Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick" http://tfl.nu/pihf
  Replies (12) Good night (2604) Bad night (820)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes

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  (215): i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes http://tfl.nu/91ws
  Replies (19) Good night (1229) Bad night (2376)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.

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  (254): You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever. http://tfl.nu/wqqf
  Replies (3) Good night (2150) Bad night (831)
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  (415): View more from California

  I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc

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  (415): I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc http://tfl.nu/b6p3
  Replies (12) Good night (568) Bad night (2638)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA

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  (563): This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA http://tfl.nu/rbpe
  Replies (2) Good night (1296) Bad night (473)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

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  (+44): Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is. http://tfl.nu/4j3n
  Replies (5) Good night (2176) Bad night (345)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.

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  (440): Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits. http://tfl.nu/0lkb
  Replies (10) Good night (922) Bad night (843)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.

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  (215): Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro. http://tfl.nu/nta7
  Replies (11) Good night (1808) Bad night (336)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT

  (254): View more from Texas

  ^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.

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  (254): GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT (254): ^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out. http://tfl.nu/79e1
  Replies (0) Good night (571) Bad night (234)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.

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  (401): Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs. http://tfl.nu/njfk
  Replies (3) Good night (321) Bad night (257)

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