I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it