RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.