I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
