Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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