Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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