my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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