I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
