Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize