We won't sleep together?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I skipped work to stalk him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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