he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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