...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize