it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
