maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
