Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
