you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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