he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
