Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
