my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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