I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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