I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
