I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
