Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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