So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize