just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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