Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
