im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
