I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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