I should be sponsored by Trojan
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
