True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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