Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
