oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Don't make out with my wife yet
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
