i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
