if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
