Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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