Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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