She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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